Monday, September 15, 2008
everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die ;)
now im sitting in front of my dad's computer in his room. typing my blog, when i feel all alone i like to updating my blog. so you wont see story full of happiness on my blog, selfish i know because it seems i only want share sadness. when im happy im too busy share it with my real friends, you know the ones who i really know exist. i dont like share my sadness, but right now i really need someone to whom i can tell prety much about everything without worry any judgement come out from them. only God can judge....
Saturday, September 6, 2008
God if i cant have what i want, please let me want what i have....
not like any other days before, i woke up around 7am. i cant stand to get back to my room and went back dreaming. but i have to go to hospital. my dad got to stay there for few days. i cant stand thinking about why people still smoke even they knew that it will kill them, sooner or later. i went inside to my dad's room. its not a big room, but they have three beds inside. they will moving my dad to a private room, bu they dont have empty room for now. so he has to wait until afternoon. and i know he couldnt stand with it. i mean he can sleep everywhere, but he cant stay far away from the restroom. he wants restroom for himself alone. and i think its genetic ;)
in his room on the first bed, i saw old man sleep. im looking to him, and i know hes not sleeping. he just too old to keep his eyes open. the boy whom taking care him told us that he just too old thats why he stays in the hospital. when i grown up, phisically and mentally, i dont wanna end up in the hospital. i want to stay in my house, with all the member of family inside whom taking care of me. too young to think about being old i think...
this week been so hectic, dramatic, and fascinated. you know what, i think i have fallen for someone. but i just dont have time to think about it, i have too many problems. a relationship is not a priority...
i hate myself for this
i hate this person i've become
i hate who i am and who i thought i would never be
i hate people who making me this way
i hate the selfishness i now have become
i hate the endless pain i put people through
i hate the way i hide myself in this pain
i hate the crazy world im living in called my life
i hate when my friends suffer because of my problems
i hate the fact that everything i have worked so hard not to be is what defines me
i hate that people cant see who i really am
i hate that my heart is broken with no one to put it back together
yesterday i went to the cinema with bryant, bella, fabian. we watched Wall-E, animation movie by Pixar studio. directed by Andrew Stranton. this movie was about how important saving our earth! we dont want live in a space (i doubt if it could happen) and the movie packaging so funny, and i love it.
Wall-E
